This is a question everyone asks us when we are little, but somewhere along the way they stop. But why? And should we? Life change is essential to our long-term happiness. Sometimes companies ask you in an interview, or during an annual appraisal, but they don’t really want to know; they just want to know which box they should tick.
But why do we stop asking it ourselves? It seems like we get a paycheck and just start taking it for granted that this is who we are and who we will be forever. Get married, buy a house or have kids and it just seems to get further set into stone.
And yet, do we make these decisions as mature, confident adults who know their minds? Mostly not, most of the key decisions we make that determine who we become, we make as fledgling adults, still severing our ties to our parents, hopelessly naïve and terrified/excited by our future.
When Your Role Models Fail You
I was surprised at the peak of my career, when I didn’t like the person I aspired to be. My company knew exactly what they wanted. When I took time to look at that, I realized that I would be miserable. Yes, I could achieve my dreams another way, but that begged the question: “Exactly who do I want to be?” And how does that person achieve success?
It is time for change, but what should I do?
How To Define Change?
I am asking myself questions daily about who I am, who I want to be, and how I want to get there. Just because I’m here now, doesn’t mean I have to stay here. I am ready for change. Try some of my favorites:
- The next time you are in a movie theater, ask yourself: “If I were a super hero/ action hero, which one would I be? Why did I chose them, what do I like so much about them?” Now ask yourself how you could be a little more like that; without the cape, but maybe with the boots?
- While waiting in a doctor’s office, imagine you were drawing the perfect you. How would you look? What would you be wearing? What impression would others get? Why? Maybe now you look a little Vogue, but maybe inside you are a little more Rolling Stone. Is there a way you could show a little more of the inner you without giving your boss and partner aneurysms?
- When you are watching television, think of the TV moms, which one do you like and why? Is there a tradition you could start in your family that would let you be that mom once in a while? Maybe once a month, you could make a fort in the living room, watch movies and sleep on the floor. No matter how busy you are, there is always time to create a tradition occasionally, even if it’s only once a year.
There are times in life where there is genuinely little to do, when we are in waiting mode. I take those opportunities to dream; I carry a notebook and jot down ideas. My notebook has morphed into my Life Binder, a visual representation of my dreams. I share some of them with John in the car. Sometimes I even talk to Z about them to get her input.
Over time a picture is starting to emerge, one of a person I think is kind of cool and probably a little scary. This is who I want to be when I grow up.
If you don’t have this picture in your mind, people will bend you to their will. They will say “If you want this, then you need to be like that.” If you know who you want to be, you will know if you are okay with that. This is what has happened to me over the last 10 years, and I didn’t even notice.
Life is so busy, you need to take time to know yourself. Otherwise it just rolls by and the next thing you know, you were so busy, you earned a bunch of things you don’t really want. And that the face in the mirror is that of a stranger.